Total Drama Valentines
by ryoko11
Summary: Set after episode 5 of Total Drama Action, and contains SPOILERS. Chris challenges all the contestants from both seasons to compete in a Valentines contest with the sweetheart of their choice. Mostly pairings from the show, with some surprises.


**This is set after episode 5 of Total Drama Action and contains SPOILERS. Not all couples paired together are romantic partners. **

A handsome man in a dark shirt and khaki pants stepped forward in front of the remains of a rather rundown movie studio. Primping his shining black hair, Chris Maclean smiled at the unseen cameraman. "How's the hair? Don't want any repeats of that 'rolled out of bed' look from last season." He cocked his head in confusion for a moment. "Huh? What do you mean I'm on? Oh!"

Chris immediately stood up straighter and got down to business. "This week on a very special episode we're going to take a break from our regular competition and invite the rest of our campers from season one to participate in a themed reward challenge. How will our remaining competitors react to their return? What fresh humiliations could we have cooked up for February 14th? And what unexpected hookups will we witness today on... TOTAL DRAMA VALENTINES!"

Gwen froze in shock as she stared at the layout in Chef's cafeteria. "Wait. Where's the gruel and the slop that can glue your spoon to the plate? This looks like real food... and... the muffins are... _heart shaped?!_ I've got a bad feeling about this..." She shuddered as Chef chuckled to himself behind the counter.

"Looks delicious!" Owen drooled. He pressed his hands together in glee.

"The little hearts are _totally_ adorable!" Lindsay cooed examining the red streamers that ran along the ceiling.

"Totally!" Beth agreed.

"Lookin' hot," Justin said appreciatively as he examined his reflection in his plate.

"Totally..." Beth agreed again with an awed sigh.

"Honestly, can we just get a move on here, people?" Heather complained, picking up a plate and pushing past the others. "I hate to agree with weird goth girl, but decorations are never a good sign in this crappy hole. I'm eating before Owen finishes it all by himself.... or Chris finds a way to ruin it."

Harold had already filled a tray with breakfast foods, and he turned to present it to his favorite soul sistah. "Here, LeShawna. This omelet is a Valentine filled with my overflowing love... and _gouda_!"

"Harold," LeShawna began in exasperation, "I thought we'd gone over this enough. It was--"

"Can the rest of us just get something to eat?" a gruff female voice cut into the conversation. A surly girl with muscles and a unibrow stepped past with her tray in one hand and an mp3 player plugged into her ear.

"Holy crap!" Beth exclaimed. "Eva's back?" She exchanged a confused look with Justin and Lindsay.

"Yes. Yes. We're all back for today's challenge. It's shocking. Really," drawled Noah in his bored monotone. "Musclewoman has a point. More eating. Less gawking," Noah yawned, following Eva and joining her at the first table.

Chris was standing in the middle of the room with the remaining ensemble of campers from Wawanakwa behind him. "That's right! Today we have a special reward challenge. In keeping with the holiday, you all will divide up into pairs. Since I'm feeling _generous_, I'll even let you choose your own Valentine. Then after breakfast we can head out to the studio back lot, and I'll explain the _rules_ of the challenge."

Duncan's face lit up, and he immediately rushed towards Courtney. "Princess!" he called merrily, catching her around the waist and spinning her around before kissing her quickly on the lips. "Ready to kick some major ass today, or have you gone back to having that stick up your butt?"

"Who do you think pitched this idea to Chris? I told you I'd get on this show somehow," Courtney grinned. "Nice to see you haven't been kicked out or thrown into prison yet," she teased and kissed him back before leading him up the line for breakfast.

"Oh crap! Oh crap!" Gwen exclaimed to herself. "That means..."

"Hi, Gwen," Trent's voice greeted softly behind her, and Gwen turned to find him standing awkwardly before her. He looked as uncomfortable as she felt, and Gwen was certain that she was even whiter than usual.

"Trent," she squeaked. "I-I-I'm sorry about how things turned out... you know... when..." Gwen fidgeted as she struggled for words that seemed just beyond her reach.

"Yeah. Well, I did it to myself," Trent conceded a little coolly. "I need to be confident and independent too. It's no good if a relationship makes you so insecure you feel like you have to compromise yourself to keep the other person, right? That's why I'm going all out to win this challenge." Trent nodded at her, as he got himself a muffin and walked away.

Lindsay rushed after him and grabbed his arm, "Hey, will you be my Valentine?"

"Uh. Sure, but wouldn't you rather..." Trent began.

"That's great! You're Tyler, right?" Lindsay asked in confusion, while the real Tyler broke a tray over his knee behind them and stormed away in a huff.

(Gwen's confessional cam)

Gwen mussed her own hair in frustration and screamed before looking up at the camera.

"That was so awkward. I can't believe how bad I feel around Trent right now. I mean, I'm glad that he seems to be doing better, and yeah... I didn't see him counting anything all morning. But still, I feel like I betrayed him, and no matter what he says he obviously thinks so too. **He didn't even get me a muffin! **Not that I necessarily _wanted_ a muffin, but it's a message. That's Trent's passive way of saying I'm a traitor... and _traitors don't get muffins!_ This totally sucks!"

Gwen smacked her forehead into the counter in front of her. She raised her head and continued, "And teaming up with Lindsay!" Gwen punctuated her words with her hands. "I mean even if we're not dating we could still have paired up. Or he could pair up with LeShawna if he thinks he needs to prove himself... but if he wants to _win_... _Lindsay?_" She swept her arms to the sides as though clearing something away, then crossed her arms and added, "And I'm not just saying that because I'm jealous. I'm _soooooooo_ not jealous. Really."

(End confessional)

(Trent's confessional cam)

"Okay, Lindsay's not the smartest person here, but she can do really well in the challenges sometimes." Trent looked to the side as he thought about Lindsay's track record in challenges. "I just need to make sure that my life isn't in her hands... or that she isn't cooking.... or catching me over a pool of jellyfish." Trent's eyes widened. "I am so dead."

(End confessional)

"Will you be my Valentine, LeShawna?" Harold asked anxiously. "I'm sure that between my mad skills and your bodaciousness, we could totally rock this challenge." He gave her a pleading look.

"You are tenacious, baby, but Mama's-"

"Well, _that_ sounds like a _no_ to me," Heather interjected gleefully.

"_Excuse me?_ I know nobody here asked for your opinion, Baldy McNasty," LeShawna responded angrily.

"Well, he's not going to get it, unless you're as blunt as a sledgehammer. Duh," Heather replied with a wave of her hand.

"Sorry, baby. I promised Gwen that I'd team up with Cody, so he can't try to put the moves on her while Girlfriend's on the rebound," LeShawna told Harold apologetically. "That girl's got it tough today."

Harold slumped in disappointment. "I understand. You're a really nice person, LeShawna. Maybe next time..." Harold waved as LeShawna wiggled off to find a seat.

"You know," Heather said leaning in towards Harold., "if we teamed up, we could win this. I'd split the prize with you, and you could give your half to LeShawna. There's probably some kind of cheesy romantic presents involved. How about it?"

Harold eyed Heather skeptically. "I don't think so."

Heather's eyes widened, and she looked like she was on the verge of throttling him. Instead, she composed herself and continued enticingly, "Well, I had an idea to try to take down our biggest competitors... and by that I mean a chance for you to get back at Duncan."

(Heather's Confessional Cam)

"Okay, he's a nerdling, but this is a chance for me to form a new alliance. The other guys around here are either already paired up or even bigger losers. Besides, if Duncan finds out that someone spiked his coffee with Laxo-Lax, he'll kill Harold instead of me."

(End Confession)

When Duncan went to the bathroom to pee, Heather struck up a conversation with Courtney. Harold meanwhile crept stealthily over to the table. While the former CIT's head was turned, Harold poured a large dose of laxative into Duncan's unattended coffee cup. Harold grinned and gave Heather a thumbs up signal; then he quickly scurried away while she wrapped up her conversation. They watched Duncan's return furtively from across the room.

Duncan slid into his seat beside Courtney chatting amicably. He raised his mug absently, as Heather and Harold hung upon his every movement. His lips touched the cup ready to take a pull of the hot beverage. He stopped suddenly and sniffed at the mug suspiciously. "Is this _flavored_ coffee?"

"It's hazelnut," Courtney responded.

"You got me chick coffee? There is no way, I'm drinking that stuff!" Duncan sneered.

Courtney raised her eyebrow in challenge. "It's delicious," she told him, and Duncan looked at her dubiously. ""Next time, get your own coffee if you're too big a wimp to drink what I gave you," Courtney huffed turning her shoulder away from him.

"Owen _loves_ flavored coffee," the big guy gushed happily, and Duncan passed the cup to him with an, "It's all yours!" Owen chuckled joyously while the punk turned his attentions on thawing out Courtney.

Justin paused at their table, inhaling the aroma of the coffee longingly. "Is that the last cup of hazelnut?" He asked, fixing Owen with his powers. He winked as Owen dumbly shoved the cup into his hands. "Thank you," Justin told him, while a scowling Izzy hissed and pulled Owen away.

Katie and Sadie eyed Justin hopefully as he sauntered past them with his breakfast. They hugged each other with disappointment as he sat down beside Beth. "Hey, Beth," Justin said flashing one of his brilliant smiles at the short farmgirl. "I was kinda hoping that you'd be my Valentine today. How about it?"

Beth blushed. "Sth-sthure. I'd love to." She giggled nervously, ending with an embarrassing snort that made Justin look up from his meal. With a slight shake of his head, Justin took his first sip of coffee.

(Heather's Confessional Cam)

Heather buried her face in her palm with a groan.

(End Confession)

(Harold's Confessional Cam)

Harold looked both ways then leaned into the camera. "In retrospect that could have gone better. Still. Totally not my fault. I don't care what Heather says. Gosh!"

(End Confession)

(Courtney's Confessional Cam)

"What kind of neanderthal is afraid to drink flavored coffee. I can't believe how many stupid macho rules Duncan has to make himself look cool..."

(End Confession)

(Beth's Confessional Cam)

"Oh my gosh! It's just like one of my dreams! Not the one where I go to school naked though. That dream's not so great."

(End Confession)

(Katie and Sadie's Confessional Cam)

"I can't believe that Beth stole Justin away," wailed Katie. "I know!" Sadie quickly agreed, "He was totally crunching on me before!" Katie glared at her.

(End Confession)

(Justin's Confessional Cam)

"It's just been a long time since I had hazelnut coffee." He held up a heart shaped piece of paper signed by Owen. "This was unexpected though."

(End Confession)

Bridgette pushed at her plate with her fork, and Geoff gave her a questioning look. "Hey, Bridge? I think I saw set covered with snow outside. After I finish off the rest of this orange juice, I could go write you a Valentine out there," he offered hoping to cheer her up.

"Geoff, I really want to win this challenge. That's all. That's why I've come to a decision." Bridgette announced looking him in the eye.

"Why do I get the feeling this is one of those decisions that I'm not gonna like?" Geoff asked, scratching his head.

Bridgette took a deep breath. "No kissing until after the challenge is over," she told him firmly, and Geoff looked crestfallen. "You can still totally do the snow thing though," she promised to cushion the blow, and Geoff shot her a wry grin.

A short distance away Ezekiel slumped at her words. Cody placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "Just be happy for her, man. That's what I learned from my experience with Gwen. The Codemeister is here to help you find the hookup today," Cody said with a snap of his fingers, and he pointed both hands at Ezekiel with an exaggerated wink.

"But what ladies are left, eh?" Ezekiel asked. He looked around the room at all the paired up couples. His gaze came to rest on Katie and Sadie, across the table from him, and the girls stopped their excited chatter to stare at him.

"Don't look at us," Katie warned him. "Yeah," Sadie added, "earlier we started to get into a stupid fight..." "But then I realized that there was nobody in the world I'd rather spend Valentine's Day with than my BFF Sadie," Katie chimed in. "And there's no one in the world that I'd rather spend the day with than my BFF Katie," Sadie finished as the two shared another big hug.

"No fair," Ezekiel protested. "If you do that, than that means two dudes would have to pair up together too. I don't want to spend Valentine's Day paired with a dude." He turned towards Noah, "Back me up here, bra."

Noah looked up from his book, "Don't care. Not my problem. I'm already paired up with Eva."

"Well, that's kinda like being paired with a dude," Ezekiel replied.

"What did you say, homeschool?" Eva snarled, curling her fingers into claws and advancing menacingly towards him. "I'm going to shove your head so far up your--"

Noah stepped in front of Eva with his hands raised in a placating gesture. "Easy on the roid rage," he chastised her calmly, and Eva growled at him. With a sigh of resignation, Noah turned towards Ezekiel. Balling his right hand into a fist, Noah cracked Ezekiel on the top of the head hard enough to make the freaky prairieboy cry out in pain. "Arrrrrrrgh," Noah drawled sarcastically, "That was for Eva's honor," he deadpanned with a roll of his eyes. He turned back to Eva with a shrug.

"You hit like a girl," Eva told him bluntly, but she seemed to be smiling as she resumed her seat.

DJ and Tyler had joined the table, and DJ was trying to bring the conversation back on track. "The point is, we've got three brothers here who aren't paired up yet, and it's not like you girls share a romantic connection, right? There might be romantic challenges involved in a _Valentine's_ competition, so you'd be totally saving us by pairing up with one of us guys," DJ explained gesturing to Tyler and himself.

Katie and Sadie looked at each other uncertainly for a moment. "Fine, then I get DJ," Katie announced. "Well, I get Tyler," Sadie declared.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about," DJ said approvingly. He raised his hand for Tyler to give him a high five, which the jock invariably missed.

Ezekiel stood up indignantly. "But wait!" he shouted. "Who's left for me to pair up with then? Somebody doesn't have a partner yet, eh?" He began counting around the room with his finger, until Gwen cleared her throat reluctantly and stepped forward.

"Looks like you're stuck with me," she told him, trying to be gracious while Ezekiel eyed her up and down.

"Well, okay then," Ezekiel said thoughtfully. "At least you're not a fat chick," he added by way of compliment. At which point every female in the room began to yell at him.

(Ezekiel's Confessional Cam)

Ezekiel sat down revealing that his left eye was swollen up and a small trickle of blood was dripping from his nose. "I just don't get women, eh..." he whined.

(End Confession)

(Eva's Confessional Cam)

"Gwen's got a pretty good right jab," Eva said with respect. "I'd have finished that little misogynist off myself, if Noah hadn't stopped me." Eva hunched her shoulders up and crossed her arms defensively.

(End Confession)

(Noah's Confessional Cam)

"What's the secret to controlling Eva's temper?" Noah mused. "Well, I _could_ tell you... but then I'd have to _kill_ you."

(End Confession)

(Bridgette's Confessional Cam)

"Geoff and I have to get serious today. The losing streak ends here. Maybe I should have said he couldn't kiss me unless we won... "

(End Confession)

(Geoff's Confessional Cam)

"Darn it! I think I needed to drink more juice. I ran out of pee halfway through the first 't'. It looks like 'Geoff loves Bridgel'. _Bridgel?_ Dam-"

(End Confession)

(Tyler's Confessional Cam)

"Trent is going down for putting the moves on my Lindsay! I can mess him up. I've been training nonstop lately." Tyler slammed his fist into his palm for emphasis. "Let's see how well he plays guitar once I sprain his pinky..." He nodded solemnly.

(End Confession)

(Gwen's Confessional Cam)

Gwen sighed hopelessly. "How could this day get any worse?" Her eyes grew round for a moment. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to even ask that just now!"

(End Confession)

(Cody's Confessional Cam)

"I'd totally have paired up with Gwen," Cody admitted. "Even if it was just friends, I wouldn't have minded. I'm promised to the lovely LeShawna today though. That's right. I am a _ladies man_."

(End Confession)

Chris's voice boomed through the loudspeaker, "Campers, it's time to report outside for your first challenge." With nervous glances at their partners everyone began to file outside.

**To be continued...**


End file.
